I was 26 when I was promoted to an engineering manager’s role, which was quite young in my company. Everyone else on the R&D management team was in their 40s and 50s.
2 years later, I was promoted to director, and I became a manager of people 2 decades older than me.
Here are the top mistakes I’ve made:
1. Being too conscious of my age
There are so many examples of young founders/CEOs in the tech industry - nobody really cares about age differences… Unless you make them care.
I tried so hard to show I didn’t care about it. I kept making cringe jokes, both making fun of other’s ages and of my own.
If you behave like a child who was given power, you will be treated as such. If you forget about the concept of ‘age’, other people will forget too.
2. Trying too hard to please your team
At first, I just wanted to be liked. I was afraid to give tough feedback, and didn’t speak my mind with my direct reports, worried they’d think “What does he know? I have 20+ more years of experience!”.
When I needed something, I used the phrase: "Can I ask you a favor?". That’s quite stupid - it’s not a favor, it’s their job. It’s like I was apologetic for ‘inconveniencing’ them with work.
I’m not saying you should behave like an overconfident asshole (see point 3). You SHOULD though feel confident to demand high performance from your team.
3. Making fast decisions to seem decisive
Your first rule about decisions should be: consult with your people!
The less you know about something, the more you need to rely on others - especially if they have much more experience. In the beginning, it feels very uncomfortable, as you want to seem confident and build an image of a manager that ‘deserves’ their place.
Believe me, nobody will think less of you if you admit that you don’t know something (as long as you learn and don’t make ignorance a habit).
When people consult with you, asking, “Do you have a recommendation?” or “What do you think we should do” will provide both of you with the right answer 95% of the time.
I’ve read this quote from “The First Time Manager”:
The same actions that can be seen as impulsive when you take them could be seen as appropriate if taken by an older manager. It is just the price of your early success. Quick action by an older manager can be seen as decisive. The same action by a young manager can earn him the label “impetuous.” What you need to do is give people time to get used to you being there.
Yeah, I know I said nobody will think about your age - there are some exceptions. If people with more experience than you feel you don’t put enough thought into decisions, suddenly your age/inexperience might become an issue.
Final words
When I searched for material on the topic, I encountered this great story from Quora. It’s about managing truck drivers, but you’ll see in a second how it relates to software engineers:
Here’s my observation of one of the best young managers I ever saw.
This happened years ago.
A kid of around 25, was a mid level warehouse manager in a large company. He was really sharp, had a way of talking to people which made them feel important. One day the upper management made him the new transportation manager. He knew this was over his head and tried to turn the promotion down, the management was insistent he was the person for the job.
The week the new position was to be announced he called a meeting of all the drivers. 20 drivers showed up, most of which had more experience at driving than his age.
Anticipation was thick in the air.
He started the meeting with a smile and a relaxed voice. He spoke softly. Slowly but clearly, “As some of you have heard I have been promoted to a new position of transportation manager, so I guess that makes me your boss.”
He hesitated, looking each driver on the eye, he saw a looks of disgust, anxiety and frustration.
I saw him swallow, then he continued, “I’ve looked at our procedures, it seems to me that nothing is broke, so as my grandpa always said if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, we are not going to change anything. The only thing I ask is when you are coming in empty, call me so I can prepare the dock for loading for tomorrow.”
The looks of the drivers was priceless, no one could believe what they just heard, the drivers were smiling, silently laughing, relaxing.
He ended the meeting, saying “just continue on like nothing has happened, everyone do your routes, we will have these meetings once a month to get your suggestions to improve the process”.
I chatted with him after the meeting, I asked him why he choose to handle that challenge this way, he looked at me and smiled, “well grandpa always said, you can’t ride a horse until he trusts you, I had to gain their trust first. They know more about their job than I do, if I started changing things all I would do is mess the whole system up. Change like this has to come slowly, I need their help to make this work. What better way to gain their trust than to say that I trust them first.”
I watched how the drivers were with this kid when he talked to then, they listened with a open attitude, did anything he asked. Because he put himself in their place first, he earned their respect.
It’s all about earning trust.
