“I told you so”.
Or its 4 evil friends:
“I knew it would happen”
“I said so last month!”
“If you would have listened to me”
“See, what did I say?”
There are only 2 responses that can save you:
Respond with: “No, you didn’t. You said the opposite”. Turn away and go. And watch them explode.
Completely ignore them. After a time, they dissolve into a puddle.
Why do people use those phrases?
Seriously though. There are 3 main reasons:
🧠 Validation of Intelligence: "My prediction was right!".When you weren’t listened to because other people thought they are smarter.
🎖️ Desiring Respect: "My advice is worth listening to."Especially for junior engineers, being right is a nice feeling, and they want to have someone acknowledging it.
😤 Venting Frustration: "I'm upset because you ignored my advice."When you fought hard because you knew you were right, but a different decision was taken. I’m often guilty of this one…
If you often hear those phrases from your developers, don’t be quick to annoyingly dismiss it. Maybe you constantly ignore their advice, or they need some encouragement.
This is actually a great opportunity to give some deserved praise. I remember a time when a developer warned me about a potential problem, and I ignored it. When the problem arose (surprise…), she angrily told me “I told you so!”.
In the next team meeting, I mentioned the problem, and how she correctly predicted it, and I ignored it. This quickly diffused the situation - when you publicly admit you were wrong, the other side just can’t stay angry anymore.
I suggest this great article “How to Give Positive Feedback to Your Software Developers” by HAY It has some great tips on giving encourgament to your people! (not sponsored)
Why Being Right is the Wrong Approach
When you say “I told you so!”, what are you trying to achieve?
Even if you are right and the other person did ignore your advice. The only thing you’ll achieve is embarrassing and alienating them.
I have a strong need to be right. Especially when it comes to product decisions - countless times I’ve told my manager “But I knew that won’t work! I said so to the PM and VP Product!”. For me, it’s a way to vent my frustration, but deep inside I know it’s childish.
You should always consider what you want to achieve by saying it. In my case, there is no benefit - the other side respects me, knows I’m intelligent, and it doesn’t reduce my frustration.
Give Up on Your Best Ideas
A senior executive once told me this story:
I often catch myself desiring the credit. Telling people: "I told you it was a bad idea", or, "I said 3 months ago that we should do it!", has only negative effects.
Your best ideas are the ones people steal from you :)
Summary
Good things will happen to those who can control the impulse to claim credit or say “I told you so” 😊
