--- type: "article" title: "The Curse of Good Managers" newsletter: "manager.dev" newsletter_handle: "managerdev" newsletter_url: "https://usecommune.com/n/managerdev" author: "Anton Zaides (@antonz23)" published: "2023-08-21T14:27:12.000Z" canonical_url: "https://usecommune.com/n/managerdev/a/the-curse-of-good-managers" markdown_url: "https://usecommune.com/n/managerdev/a/the-curse-of-good-managers.md" chat_url: "https://usecommune.com/n/managerdev/a/the-curse-of-good-managers/chat" source_url: "https://newsletter.manager.dev/p/the-curse-of-good-managers" body_source: "imported" likes: 0 replies: 0 body_words: 1002 --- # The Curse of Good Managers There’s a single question the 30 team leaders I talked to couldn’t answer well: “What would your developers say you need to improve?” *** Bad managers have many problems, but most of them know it. **Good managers have a few invisible ones.** This is often the case: You come to the performance review. You give your input. In the end, you ask for feedback. And then… Silence. At best “*Oh I really enjoy working with you! Everything’s great!*” There is ALWAYS something you can improve. Things that seem minor to your people now, can be a **huge blind spot** for you further in your career. 3 methods to get the best feedback you ever got: 1. Try different angles 2. Sharing your difficulties 3. Make it about a specific situation ![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/16c36ee9-3f5d-49d1-a69c-3157d3786062/0a9a742c-b6c1-4b30-8efc-bb5da8fe6661_4973x2475.png?t=1773825860) ### Try Different Angles The question “Where do you think I can improve?” often results in silence. When you are staying content with the usual answer, you are **missing a golden opportunity**. 4 years ago I had an ‘aha’ moment. It was during a conclusion talk I had with a developer, before moving to a different role. That’s how the conversation went (name changed): ***Anton***: “So before we finish, I would like to get some feedback from you. Where do you think I could improve on?”. ***Anna***: “Hmmm… I enjoyed working with you! I think you did a great job, I can’t think of anything right now”. (side note - if you ask them to think and get back to you, forget about a response). ***Anton:*** “Thanks! But I’m sure there are things I could do better. A behavior you didn’t like, maybe something the team as a whole could have done better?” ***Anna:*** “No really… I think the team performed great. I let you know if I come up with anything!” (note - DON’T GIVE UP HERE) ***Anton:*** “Ok, what about things related to you? Do you feel I helped you in your professional growth, our 1:1s were effective, you got good feedback?” ***Anna:*** “Now that you raise it… **I didn’t like the way you gave me feedback**. You always waited for the end of the 1:1. You started with the small talk. Then we talked about personal issues and my progress. Only in the end, you gave criticism. After a couple of times, it made me just want the first part of the 1:1 to be over, so you could get to the point. I didn’t want to share things with you anymore. I would have much preferred a separate conversation for the feedback.” *** It **BLEW MY MIND.** This feedback was SUPER useful. I was stuck at ‘Ruinous Empathy’, as Kim Scott framed it in ‘Radical Candor’ (a highly recommended book). This is the first time I heard such feedback, and I’m sure it also affected other developers I managed. The key here was **trying different angles**, and not giving up. ### Share your difficulties This is a recent story. I shared something I struggle with on LinkedIn, and one of my developers responded: ![](https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=scale-down,format=auto,onerror=redirect,quality=80/uploads/asset/file/5609b251-57e4-4f35-8488-8dc89ae424de/3912529f-95f6-4195-bdcf-062f7623e8a6_393x245.png?t=1773825860) That made me cringe inside. How come we are having such an important conversation on a social network?? What’s the LinkedIn content worth if I don’t even know my team’s thoughts? Sharing what you struggle with is important (Brene Brown covers it in depth in ‘Dare to Lead). It makes **people comfortable** to share their own difficulties and give sensitive feedback. ### Make it about a specific situation Often your people won’t give you feedback because they like you. They won’t feel comfortable criticizing YOU, as a person. The best way to resolve it is to make the feedback **not about you, but about a situation**. From that, you can derive what were the parts you didn’t do well, and how YOU can improve. A couple of years ago, we had an important project with a very short deadline. We worked hard, delivered on time, and I was very happy was the result. I asked each of the developers how they think the project went. This is how the conversation with Tom (name changed) went: ***Anton****: “What are your thoughts on Project X, now that it’s over? I would love to hear some feedback, on what I could have done better”* ***Tom:***“The deadline was wayyy too short. We worked our asses off, and I think it’s not going to work in the long term. But I really enjoyed the work together, it was a good experience overall.” (note - it can be tempting to stop with that obvious feedback. But the timeline was out of my control at that time, so no real lessons to learn) ***Anton:*** “Yeah, I agree. I’ll try to make sure we have more reasonable timelines. What else could I have done better?” ***Tom:*** “Hmmm.. Not much, it was good teamwork and an interesting project”. ***Anton:*** “Let’s say we had to do the same project in the same timeline, what you would have changed in how **we** did it?” ***Tom:*** “You know… I feel ***we always*** \[emphasize mine\] sacrifice the quality. The CRs are approved really fast, and we are too used to having tons of bugs. Even when there is no real rush, this habit kicks in.” *** That was new to me. I didn’t know he felt that way. Until this day, I’m too lax with CRs (being more of a [skimmer](https://zaidesanton.substack.com/p/the-secret-for-effective-code-reviews?utm_source=newsletter.manager.dev&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=the-curse-of-good-managers)). That feedback helped me realize the effect it has on the team, and mitigate that (by involving people who can counter me). ### Summary To get valuable feedback, you have to dig deep. 3 methods that could help you: - **Try different angles** - use different questions, raise different areas you want to get feedback on. - **Share your difficulties** - it can help people in criticizing you (as you show them how you do it yourself) - **Make it about the situation**: “Where can I improve?” → “What could we have done better with project X?” See you next week! *** [Powered by beehiiv](https://www.beehiiv.com/?utm_campaign=89e1d593-28a0-4b75-910d-a8cb1a2b0281&utm_medium=post_rss&utm_source=manager_dev) *** ## Discussion No replies yet.