There is a reason procrastination feels so frustrating. Most people think procrastination means you are lazy, unmotivated, or bad at managing your time. But a lot of the time, procrastination has less to do with laziness and more to do with avoidance. Not because you do not care, but because the task brings up thoughts and feelings your brain would rather not deal with. That is why you can care deeply about something and still put it off. Sometimes the task is not the hardest part. Sometimes it is the thoughts attached to the task that make it feel heavy. You sit down to answer the email, make the phone call, start the project, schedule the appointment, clean the kitchen, fill out the form, or work on the thing you have been avoiding all week, and your brain immediately starts talking.
Or the ones I've been struggling with the last 2 weeks: Why am I even writing a newsletter? Who would even read it anyway? (Imposter syndrome) I'm not going to be able to get the newsletter out by my normal time so why bother. Hence, why you have not received a newsletter in the last 2 weeks. And just like that, we are doing literally anything else. That is what makes avoidant thoughts so tricky. They do not always sound dramatic. They often sound logical, productive, or even protective.
These thoughts can feel responsible on the surface, but underneath them is usually discomfort. Fear of failure. Fear of getting it wrong. Pressure to do it perfectly. Mental exhaustion. Overwhelm. Self doubt. Sometimes even shame. Avoidant thoughts are often your brain’s attempt to protect you from discomfort. The problem is that avoidance works in the short term, but backfires in the long term. You avoid the task and get temporary relief. For a moment, you feel better. But the task is still waiting for you later, usually with extra guilt, extra dread, and extra mental weight attached to it. Now it is not just the thing you have to do. A few common avoidant thoughts sound like this:
That last one sometimes needs a gentle side eye. Yes, some people do get things done under pressure. But that does not always mean they work better that way. It may just mean the panic finally got louder than the avoidance. So why do avoidant thoughts happen? Sometimes a task feels emotionally loaded. It may bring up fear of being judged, making a mistake, disappointing someone, or not doing something well enough. Sometimes the task feels huge and your brain does not know where to begin. Sometimes you are already overwhelmed, burned out, or mentally stretched thin. Sometimes you learned early in life that mistakes were not safe, so starting anything now feels bigger than it should. And sometimes the task is just painfully boring and your brain wants absolutely nothing to do with it. In other words, procrastination is often less about time management and more about nervous system management. So what actually helps? The first step is noticing the thought without immediately obeying it. When your brain says, "This is too much", pause and ask yourself if it is truly too much or just uncomfortable. Those are not always the same thing. You do not have to shame yourself for the thought. You do not even have to fight it. Just notice it. Name it. This is an avoidant thought. My brain is trying to pull me away from discomfort. The second step is making the task smaller. Not slightly smaller. Almost annoyingly smaller.
Avoidance loves giant, vague tasks. It has a harder time arguing with one very specific next step. The third step is to stop waiting to feel ready. Motivation is wonderful when it shows up, but it is not always reliable. A lot of the time, action comes before motivation. You may not feel focused, clear, inspired, or prepared. You may just need to start anyway, as the imperfect human you already are. The fourth step is watching for perfectionism. Perfectionism and procrastination are close friends. A lot of people delay starting because they believe if they cannot do it really well, they should not do it yet. Giving yourself permission to do something imperfectly can be one of the fastest ways to move through avoidance. A rough draft counts. Done enough has helped more people than perfect ever has. The fifth step is getting curious. If you keep procrastinating the same kinds of tasks, there is often a reason. Maybe emails feel hard because you hate disappointing people. Maybe paperwork makes you anxious because you are scared of making mistakes. Maybe cleaning feels loaded because the mess has stopped being just a mess and started feeling like proof that you are failing. When you understand the emotional weight behind the task, you can respond with more compassion and less self criticism. And that matters. Because beating yourself up for procrastinating usually does not make procrastination better. It usually makes the task feel even heavier. Try talking to yourself the way you would talk to someone you care about.
That is often where momentum starts. Not in becoming a person who never avoids anything. Sometimes procrastination is not a character flaw. Sometimes it is just your brain trying to protect you in a way that is no longer helpful. And sometimes the most healing question is not, "What is wrong with me?" It is, "What am I trying to avoid, and what would help me feel safe enough to begin?" Action step for this week:
Then do just that step. Not the whole thing. That counts too. |
The Barefoot Therapist
What I Learned About Procrastination Over the Last 2 Weeks
Meagan Beerman
5mo·7 min read
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