Like most parental relationships, fathers can present a variety of complicated feelings when we’re asked to reflect on them. In the best case scenario — and the most dominate form of the story — dads are an unadulterated good in our lives because they offer strength, support, and sacrifice against a world that will do us no favors. Yet, like most stories, the simplicity of the dominant narrative glosses over some of the more difficult situations that can give a person complicated feelings about their dads when Father’s Day rolls around.
An engaged and loving father comes with benefits; there’s research to support that when a dad takes an active role in the lives of their children, the child performs better in school and life, which is often why advocates of paid parental leave push for both paternity and maternity leave. However, not every father engages with their children, despite ample opportunity, and sometimes they present a warped view of their own role in the world, such that the word “dad” isn’t one that’s associated with fondness, but fear.
In other cases, there may be nothing wrong with how loving a father is, save that illness steals them away before a child grows into an adult, and that leaves a hole where a father’s guidance might have lived. There’s love still, and a hope that you can carry forward what lessons you learned into situations you’ve never seen before, but there’s still an awareness that the rituals of Father’s Day that most kids spend their time fulfilling are no longer as applicable to you as they once were.
In both cases, the traditional view of what is means to have and honor a father begins to fall apart: either they don’t deserve celebration for warping one’s view of men and fathers, or the whole process becomes a new opportunity to grieve for what might have been. Both are perfectly normal responses to a simple story society tells itself about the role fathers play in our lives, but it also asks us to look outside our family of origin for the engagement and support we might have found in our own fathers.
I have regularly explored the idea of finding or building a village around me, and there’s a myriad of reasons found family is necessary to everyone’s life in my mind; it offers peer support, diversifies your identity, adds depth to a rich life, and so much more. I have also found that it opens the door to having father figures in your life who, despite not being related by blood or seeing everything that’s happened from your first steps to your present, still offer an opportunity to show the love and support a father does to his children. In my mind, these men deserve just as much celebration as biological fathers do, because they help add just as much nuance and value to one’s life as dads do, even if the relationship with one’s father is perfectly loving.
Fathers present a singular relationship, but the hope is that every man who does the work of a father gets the celebration he deserves on Father’s Day, because they offer just as much guidance, support, and love as a child often needs.
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A Feel Good Place
How a Local Pizza Shop Pivoted Using Nostalgia
While living in Fishtown, my wife and I became a big fan of a local pizza shop that was called “Pizza Brain.” They used fresh, local ingredients, a sourdough crust, and a healthy dose of creativity that provided options for pizza toppings that seemed odd on first glance, but were delicious once they hit your taste buds. Yet, the business ran itself like a local pizza place, not a high-end restaurant, and that combination of high-end creativity with down-to-earth approach helped make it a go-to place when we were craving pizza.
Unfortunately, the shop closed down a couple years back, but the business owner managed to pivot their experience into a full-fledged restaurant called Cerveau located in Northern Liberties. When we eventually tried it out, we found some familiar favorites, but a lot of cool new additions that made it feel like the business we remembered while still offering something new.
Want to find out how they did it?
Something Read
THE DICTIONARY OF LOST WORDS BY PIP WILLIAMS
Born to a widower lexicographer, Esme has known little else besides the development of the Oxford English Dictionary. Esme spends most of her childhood in the Scriptorium beside her father, reviewing words that are submitted for inclusion in the dictionary, and that’s how she comes to realize that not all words are given the same weight. After discovering the slip for “bondmaid” had been discarded, Esme sets out to compile her own dictionary focused on all the words lost to the Oxford English Dictionary.
For Casual Readers: The book will most likely be appealing to those who enjoy reading novels that focus on the power of language and strong female protagonists. However, Esme’s relationship with her father is unique, so it’s also a worthy exploration of the impact fathers have, though not formally a book focused on fathers.
For Writers: The book offers a great example of how to use an understated style and text to develop a broader social conversation about seemingly innocuous things like language. Its use of historical context, coupled with the understated style, can provide a great foundation for writers looking to develop their craft.
What Comes Next
Enjoyed this issue? Here’s what you can expect from the next newsletter:
A reflection on Independence Day
A breakdown of how a winery managed to turn a simple transaction into a memory
A review of a book about a movie star who has to make a deal with shadowy forces at the expense of her own identity.
