Motherhood Is Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Hello Reader, There is this quiet little lie that gets handed to moms somewhere between the baby shower and the first sleepless night. It says motherhood should feel magical all the time. It says you should be glowing, grateful, bonded, patient, peaceful, and wildly in love every second of the day. And if you are not, something must be wrong with you. But friend, that is not real motherhood. That is the filtered version. Real motherhood can be beautiful, sacred, messy, exhausting, overstimulating, lonely, confusing, and emotionally complicated all at the same time. You can love your baby deeply and still feel like you are drowning. You can be thankful and still miss who you were before. You can be a good mom and still feel anxious, angry, numb, sad, disconnected, or scared. None of that means you are failing. It means you are human. Postpartum depression is more than feeling tired or having a hard day. The National Institute of Mental Health explains that perinatal depression can happen during pregnancy or after childbirth, and it can bring intense sadness, anxiety, fatigue, guilt, difficulty bonding, changes in sleep or appetite, and doubts about being able to care for yourself or your baby. It is not caused by something you did wrong, and it is treatable. Postpartum anxiety can be just as heavy, even when it does not look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like racing thoughts, panic, irritability, checking on the baby over and over, not being able to sleep even when the baby is asleep, feeling like something terrible is about to happen, or having intrusive thoughts that scare you. Anxiety can convince you that you are the only thing standing between your baby and disaster, which is a brutal amount of pressure for one tired nervous system to carry. And then there is postpartum psychosis, which we need to talk about with compassion and seriousness. Postpartum psychosis is not the same thing as postpartum depression or anxiety. It is less common, but it is a medical emergency. It can include hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, confusion, rapid mood swings, agitation, or not needing sleep. Postpartum Support International notes that postpartum psychosis often begins in the first two weeks after birth, though it can occur later, and immediate professional help is essential. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, hearing or seeing things others do not, feeling disconnected from reality, or you feel unsafe, please do not wait it out. Call 911, go to the nearest emergency room, or call or text 988. You can also call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA, which offers free, confidential, 24/7 support for pregnant and postpartum individuals. Now let me say this part softly, but clearly: needing help does not make you a bad mom. It does not mean you are weak. It does not mean you are ungrateful. It does not mean you do not love your baby enough. It means your mind, body, hormones, nervous system, sleep, identity, relationships, and responsibilities have all been through a massive life transition. Of course your system may need support. Of course you may not feel like yourself. Of course you may need more than a bubble bath and someone telling you to “enjoy every second.” Motherhood is not supposed to be survived in silence. Sometimes help looks like telling your partner, “I am not okay, and I need you to take this seriously.” Sometimes it looks like calling your OB, midwife, primary care provider, or therapist. Sometimes it looks like medication. Sometimes it looks like therapy. Sometimes it looks like asking someone to come sit with you so you can sleep, shower, cry, eat, or simply not be alone with the weight of it all. And for the loved ones reading this, please pay attention to the moms around you. Do not just ask if the baby is sleeping. Ask if she is sleeping. Do not just ask if the baby is eating. Ask if she has eaten. Do not assume she is fine because she is functioning. High-functioning moms can be quietly falling apart while still packing diaper bags, scheduling appointments, washing bottles, and remembering everyone else’s needs. The “good mom” is not the mom who never struggles. The good mom is the one who deserves support while she struggles. So if postpartum has felt darker, heavier, scarier, or lonelier than you expected, I want you to hear me. You are not broken. You are not dramatic. You are not a bad mother. You are a human being going through one of the biggest physical, emotional, hormonal, and identity shifts a person can go through. You deserve care too. Not after everyone else is okay. Not after you prove you are struggling enough. Not after you push yourself to the edge. Now. Reach out. Tell someone the truth. Let help in. Healing is possible, and you do not have to find your way back to yourself alone.