We Say Kids Can’t Handle Boredom… But Can We? (Formerly The Barefoot Therapist)

Maybe We Forgot How to Be Bored, Too “Kids don’t know how to be bored anymore.” We’ve all heard it. Maybe we’ve even said it. We talk about how kids always need something to do. They have a screen in their hand, a video playing in the background, a game waiting to be played, or a thousand little notifications competing for their attention. We tell them to put the phone down. “Go outside.” “Find something to do.” “Use your imagination.” “You don’t have to be entertained every second.” And honestly? They might need to hear that. But here’s the uncomfortable part: Maybe adults don’t know how to be bored anymore either. Think about the last time you had a few minutes with absolutely nothing demanding your attention. No kids asking for something. No work email. No laundry waiting to be folded. No podcast playing. No television in the background. No music. No scrolling. No notifications. Just… nothing. How long did you last? For a lot of us, probably not very long. The second there is a little empty space in our day, we fill it. We reach for our phone while waiting in line. We scroll while sitting in the carpool pickup line. We check social media while the microwave runs. We answer emails while watching TV. We listen to something while we walk. We make a mental to-do list while we’re supposed to be resting. We’ve gotten really good at filling every available inch of space. And somewhere along the way, we started treating boredom like a problem that needs to be solved. But boredom isn’t necessarily a problem. Boredom is uncomfortable because it removes the stimulation we’re used to having. When we’re bored, our brains don’t get a constant stream of new information to process. There isn’t always something telling us what to think about, what to look at, what to buy, what to laugh at, or what to respond to. There is just… space. And space can feel surprisingly loud. Sometimes that space allows our minds to wander. Sometimes it gives us room to notice how we’re actually feeling. Sometimes an idea shows up that wouldn’t have had room to surface otherwise. Sometimes we realize we’re exhausted. Sometimes we realize we’re lonely. Sometimes we realize we’ve been avoiding something. And sometimes we simply sit there and watch the clouds. That counts, too. We’ve confused being busy with being productive. There is a strange pride that can come with being busy. “I’ve been so busy.” “I haven’t had a second to myself.” “I’ve got a million things to do.” We say these things like proof that we’re important, needed, productive, or doing life correctly. But being busy and being productive aren’t the same thing. And being constantly stimulated isn’t the same thing as being fulfilled. Our phones have made it incredibly easy to avoid the little pauses in life. We don’t have to sit in traffic and stare out the window anymore. We don’t have to wait in a doctor’s office and look around the room. We don’t have to stand in line without entertainment. We don’t even have to walk from one room to another without checking something. There is always something available to occupy our attention. And because there is always something available, we’ve gotten very good at avoiding ourselves. So maybe we should practice what we’re asking our kids to practice. If we’re telling our kids that they don’t need a screen every time they’re bored, maybe we need to model that, too. And I'm admitting I need to work on modeling this myself. If we’re telling them it’s okay to sit outside and do nothing, maybe we can sit outside and do nothing. If we’re telling them they can use their imagination, maybe we can give our own brains some unstructured space. If we’re telling them that boredom isn’t dangerous, maybe we can remind ourselves of the same thing. Put the phone down. Take the headphones out. Leave the podcast off. Sit on the porch. Drink your coffee without scrolling. Take a walk without turning it into a productivity challenge. Drive without automatically reaching for something to listen to. Let yourself stare out the window. Let your mind wander. You don’t have to turn every quiet moment into something useful. You are allowed to have empty space. Not every moment needs to teach you something. Not every moment needs to make you money. Not every moment needs to improve your health. Not every moment needs to be documented. Not every moment needs to be productive. Some moments can simply be lived. And maybe that’s something worth remembering for ourselves before we demand it from our kids. Maybe kids aren’t the only ones who need to relearn how to be bored. Maybe we do, too. So the next time you catch yourself reaching for your phone because you have thirty seconds of nothing to do, try something different. Don’t fix the boredom. Just notice it. Stay there for a minute. See what happens. Maybe nothing. And maybe that’s exactly the point. The Hope Collective Challenge This week, find 10 minutes a day to be intentionally bored. No phone. No TV. No podcast. No book. No cleaning. No “I'll just knock this one thing off my list.” You don't need to meditate. You don't need to journal about it. You don't need to turn it into another self-improvement project. Just give your brain ten minutes when nobody is asking anything from it. And pay attention to what happens. Because maybe the goal isn't actually to become better at being bored. Maybe it's to become more comfortable being with ourselves.